


Can You See The Gay Rainbow

by Be_more_Hansen



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Attempted Suicide, Black and White soulmate AU, Fluff, Kleinsen, M/M, M/M/M, Multi, Tree Bros, galaxy girls, sincerely three, sometimes follows original plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-08 12:51:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11646936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Be_more_Hansen/pseuds/Be_more_Hansen
Summary: Connor Murphy was going to end it all after the first day of school, he didn’t see any point. That was until he pushed a certain Hansen boy in the hallway.Soulmate AU where everything is black and white until you touch your soulmate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> somebody has probably already done this but it's whatever

“Loving the new hair length, Connor.”

Jared teased, Connor knew what was coming next. 

“Very  _ school shooter chic _ .”

Jared laughed at his joke and looked back at the unabashed Connor

“It was a joke?”

“Oh no I get it, it was funny.”

He took a step closer to the boy and his silent friend

“Am I not laughing hard enough?”

“Jesus, you’re such a fucking freak.”

Jared scoffed and walked away, leaving his taller friend, Evan, behind.

“What, you have something to say?”

“N-n-no I’m not li-like him.”

“Yeah sure, but you think I’m freak.”

Connor sneered

“N-no I’d ne-never th-think that!”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Connor pushed Evan to the ground and stomped away.

 

As Evan got up to gather the books he had dropped on the ground he noticed something. His red shoes. His  _ red  _ shoes! He could see color.

He felt his heart sink and looked down the hall, expecting to see the Murphy boy, but he saw nothing of the sort. His breathing quickened as he stood there in the hallway, taking in every color around him.

_ BRRRING _

The bell sounded and Evan gathered the rest of his stuff and rushed to his first class.

 

The entire day felt like a blur, but a very colorful blur. The only times when everything seemed to come into focus was when he caught glimpses of Connor. 

But then it all came to a screeching halt when Evan found himself in the computer lab. 

_ Dear Evan Hansen, _

_ Today is going to be a good day and here’s why.  _

_ You can see color now. Everything is brighter and less dull and you can finally see all the beautiful colors your mom told you about. But now you just have to build up the courage to talk to your soulmate. _

**_Connor Murphy_ **

_ I still can’t believe the boy who knocked me down on the first day of school is my soulmate. But maybe by the end of the school year you and him will just laugh about the day. You and Connor Murphy… I hope he doesn’t hate me. But who hates their soulmate? _

 

_ Sincerely, Me _

 

Evan pressed print and scooted out of his chair to find his soulmate standing at the printer. 

“H-hey.”

“What do you want, Hansen?”

“Wh-what?”

Connor looked back down on the printer

“Oh, yeah obviously. You’re printing something.”

He slapped his palm to his forehead.

“Yeah.”

Evan sighed and reached out his arm to grab the note, but before he could get it Connor was already holding it.

“What are you printing anyways?”

His voice trailed off as his eyes scanned the paper

_ “Build up the courage to talk to your soulmate... _ CONNOR MURPHY?”

The, now enraged boy, crumpled the paper in his hands. Evan winced at the sound.

“Why are you surpri-”

“Are you playing some trick on me, Hansen?”

Connor tugged at Evan’s collar

“What d-do y-y-you mean?”

Evan looked into Connor’s eyes and could only see anger

“I’m not your fucking soulmate, Evan! Cause if I was, I would be seeing colors right now, wouldn’t I?”

Connor let go of his shirt and pushed him (for the second time that day) to the ground.

The shorter boy could barely process what was going on, not looking up from the floor. He heard the door to the lab slam and then only his heart beat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared is not helpful  
> (this is super short)

Jared opened Evan’s door to find him lying in the middle of his bedroom floor

“What are you doing?”

“Waiting for death to come and take me.”

Jared sat down next to him.

“What’s up? Your mom told me to come and che-”

“I can see color, Jared.”

Evan sat up and picked at his cast, seeing Jared’s eyes look upon him curiously

“Who is it?”

“That’s the problem, Jared...I know who it is but he keeps saying that he can’t see color?”

“He?”

“Connor Murphy.”

Evan huffed and heard a quiet giggle come out of his friends mouth.

“Connor? As in the same Connor who looks like a fucking school shooter?”

Evan gave him a blank stare. Jared brought his arm up to give Evan a playful punch but Evan scooted away from him

“What? You can see color now it doesn’t matter if I touch you or not.”

Evan didn’t move

 

You see, Evan never liked being touched by anyone who wasn’t his mom. He was so scared of finding out who his soulmate was that he kept his distance from everybody. He didn’t like hugs, or taps on the shoulder, not even a high five.

 

“Wait... what do you mean he can’t see color?”

Jared took a seat on the bed while Evan stayed sitting on the floor

“He read one of my letters for therapy and it talked about him being my soulmate.”

He cupped his face in his hands

“And then he yelled at me saying that I was ‘playing some cruel trick on him’ and that if I really was his soulmate then he would’ve seen color as well.”

He threw his hands in the air and let out a frustrated sigh. Throwing himself back onto the ground.

“What could this possibly mean, Jared?”

“I have no fucking idea, Ev. Are you sure it’s Connor? You didn’t bump into anybody else today?”

Evan replayed this morning’s events in his head.

Connor yelling

Evan stuttering

Being pushed

Color

“No.”

He concluded. He picked at his cast nervously.

_ What am I going to do? _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is a lonely boy

Connor shoved his hands deeper into his pockets as he walked angrily out of the school.  _ Who the hell would play a sick, twisted joke like that?  _ He thought to himself. He grabbed the the crumpled up letter from his pocket and tossed it into the garbage can and made his way to his car.

He slammed his door shut and started up the engine. Joy Division blared out of his speakers as he pulled out of the school parking lot.

“Fuck!”

The long haired boy screamed to nobody in particular. There were so many things spinning around in his head all he wanted to do was think about the road, the way it winded around the hills and through the slopes. He cracked open a window and could feel his hair whipping back against his chair.

Once he arrived at his desired destination, the orchard, he shut off the engine and grabbed his school bag from the passenger seat next to him.

Slinging the bag over his shoulders and hopping the fence, Connor made his way down a dirt path. He didn’t know what exactly he was doing, he just wanted to be at the orchard one last time before tomorrow came.

 

The orchard was the only place he found beautiful. He was told his entire life that life was only truly beautiful once you saw everything in color, but he found the orchard fascinating in black and white. He didn’t need color to appreciate the scenery, he only needed himself.

 

Connor took a seat under one of the many trees and pulled out his notebook. He started writing, but he didn’t know what he was writing about. He began with how his day went but then it spiraled off into a million different tangents to himself.

_ Evan Hansen? _

His pencil lead snapped and he threw it onto the dirt.

_ What does Evan Hansen want? _

He thought to himself, picking himself off the ground and dusting off his jeans.

 

He walked back to his car and drove home. He was done thinking for the day, all of his thoughts had been wrung out onto paper and he was completely exhausted. 

His feet brought him into his home, his ears ignored his parents yelling at him, and he found his way to his room.

“Are you gonna apologize to that kid?”

Zoe’s  voice came from his door frame

“Which one?”

Connor scoffed, turning around and shooting her a dirty look

“The kid who had a cast on his arm. I can’t believe you pushed him on the ground.”

“That kid,” his voice grew “is a bastard who is trying to play some sick twisted joke on me, so no...I’m not going to apologize.”

“What are you talking about?”

Connor didn’t answer and simply shut his door.

_ All he needed was himself. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared Kleinman is much less of an asshole in this fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason why I write with such a linear style is because it's a lot easier for me to read than if everything were in big chunky paragraphs

Evan fumbled with the hem of his shirt as he stood outside Jared’s house. It was part of Evan’s morning routine, anxiously stand outside of your only friends home in the morning so that you don’t have to anxiously walk to school alone every morning. 

Jared had walked home from Evan’s place the other night after he heard Heidi’s car pull up in the driveway, knowing that she would be able to handle Evan’s panic better than he was (his solution was making mac n’ cheese while forcing Evan to sit under multiple blankets and watch documentaries).

The short boy grabbed his backpack and two poptarts before heading out the door, a sarcastic smile on his face as he tossed one of the pastries to Evan. Evan lifted his arm to catch it only to realize he still (unsurprisingly) had a cast on. He watched the package lamely fall to the ground and heard Jared snickering while he walked over.

“My god, Evan. You had one job!”

Jared picked it up for  him and Evan murmured a soft

_ I’m sorry _

Before taking it from his reach.

 

The young boys walked to school, eating poptarts and listening to each others attempts at making fun of their new teachers.

“I swear,” Jared wiped the pastry bits off his mouth “Ms. Jean is about as interesting as a soggy piece of white bread.”

“Aw c’mon, she’s not that bad.”

They pushed open the school doors and walked their way down to their shared lockers

“The only reason you like her is because she didn’t make you do one of those stupid introduction things yesterday.”

“Well...yeah. But she also-”

Evan was cut off by a certain Murphy sister tapping on her shoulder. He flinched and threw up his arms defensively

“Whoa, it’s just me? Zoe?”

“He doesn’t like being touched.”

Jared piped up, not looking away from the inside of their locker

“Oh yeah...sorry.”

There was an awkward pause as Evan slowly loosened up

“I just wanted to say sorry for what my brother did yesterday.”

“He told yo-”

“I saw him push you in the hallway, it was totally uncool.”

Evan soon realized that Connor had not told her about the note that he stole and let out a shaky sigh

“I-it’s alright, di-didn’t get an-anymore hurt th-than I already am.”

She let out a laugh

“Oh here!”

Zoe reached for her phone

“Let me get your number?”

Evan reached for her phone with clammy hands and entered his number.

_ BRRRING _

“I’ll text you after school or something, okay?”

Evan simply nodded and turned to see a certain Jared Kleinman smirking at him

“So you got your soulmate’s sister’s phone number? What are you gonna do, make her flirt for you?”

Evan blushed and grabbed his books from the locker.

“Shut up.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's in love, Connor's in dire need of medical attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: suicide attempt

 

“Kleinman?”

“Here.”

The boy sighed and sunk into his chair, looking to the seat in front of him to find it empty. That was Murphy’s seat so it was no surprise to see it vacant, even on the second day of school. Jared was surprised to see Connor even made it to Senior year after all of those absences he had last year.

The teacher began their lesson and Jared pulled out his notebook. He scribbled and didn’t pay attention at all. And he repeated this routine for the next 5 hours.

He had only shared 3 classes with Connor and he wasn’t in any of them, he didn’t worry. Actually, he was kind of glad. It gave Evan one less thing to be anxious about. And if Evan was happy, Jared was happy/relieved that he wouldn’t have to calm down the stuttering mess he normally is.

 

Jared was actually kind of upset that Connor was Evan’s soulmate. Or that Evan was Connor’s (that was another thing he thought about during class instead of taking notes). Evan was so...delicate. Connor was brooding and angsty. He could be a model for Hot Topic, Evan couldn’t be a model at all, he was too shy. Although Jared didn’t want to admit it, he had hoped to be Evan’s soulmate.

Jared was always such an asshole to him but Evan never treated him the way all the other kids had treated him. And Jared was never as mean to Evan as all the other kids had been to him as well.

 

The final bell rang and Jared and Evan were standing at their locker gathering their things.

“Did you wanna come over to my house and play video games or something?”

Jared asked while reading a text from Heidi that said

_ Please spend time with Evan! I don’t want him worrying about Connor while I’m gone _

“Are y-you asking o-or is my m-mom asking?”

Evan shot back, stuffing his pencil bag into his backpack

“Both.”

Evan shut the locker and sighed

“I guess.”

And they walked out of the building

 

“Did you hear about what happened to Leor during gym?”

Jared let out a chuckle

“She totally broke her left leg but I heard it was hilarious.”

He looked up at Evan. Color had drained from his face

“What? What is it?”

“I need to text Zoe.”

He mumbled, grabbing for the phone in his back pocket.

“Why do you need to text Zoe? What’s going on?”

Jared peered over Evan’s phone, his fingers shaking over the keyboard

_ find conner! _

Was all that he could read, and all that he needed to read.

 

++TRIGGER WARNING++

 

Connor had it all planned out. He didn’t even need to look into his journal where he had written everything down. The bathtub was already filled enough so Connor climbed in, not bothering to strip himself of his clothes.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek. Connor didn’t have to do this, but what other option would he have? Continue being the school freak, the family disappointment, and wind up dead in a back alley in 10 years? No he wanted to get it over with.

Connor reached for the various pill bottles on the edge of the tub but then stopped, staring at them. He grabbed them and shook them about. He was scared that they wouldn’t be enough so he reached for  the blade instead.

Slowly he rolled up his sleeves revealing previous scars. He could feel his hands shaking, his bottom lip trembling, and more tears rolling off his chin and into the bathwater below. He bit down on his lip and lowered the blade.

 

Connor slipped his back further and further into the, no red, bathwater. He hummed a small tune, feeling reality slipping away from his quickly. His nose and mouth slipped under the water and his eyes were halfway open.

And then he felt hands tugging on his jacket, pulling him back up to the air. And shouting and crying that (for the first time in a long time) wasn’t his own. He saw his sister and another person standing in the doorway. Then more people arrived and he could feel the softness of a bed on his back before passing out completely. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Alana are finally referenced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meh

Evan mumbled something under his breath, attracting Jared’s attention. Their eyes were bloodshot and their tiredness shone through their lack of attentiveness. The two had been sitting in the hospital waiting room for the past 3 hours alongside Zoe Murphy and her girlfriend Alana Beck.

“What’d you say, Ev?” Jared pressed, fighting back the yawn that was surfacing within him

“I said, ‘I should probably text my mom’.” Evan said, barely above a whisper. His voice was gravely and you could tell he was about ready to pass out in the chair. It was only 10 but the hospital was just so draining for Evan, too many lights and beeps and voices over the PA system, and also the fact that Evan’s color would flicker on and off.

He had been focusing on a pot of decorative flowers on one of the coffee tables, watching the purple petals go from violet to gray. Every time it went to black and white Evan could feel his heart skip a beat, he was just anticipating the moment the color would go and wouldn’t come back.

Jared could feel Evan tense up every few minutes and he yearned for the boy, feeling so bad for him. He grabbed his phone from his back pocket and opened up Heidi’s contact number, motioning for Evan to take his phone. The tired boy grabbed the phone and typed a quick

_ Waiting in hospital bcuz connor murphy, call whn u can _

Not glancing to fix his spelling errors when he pressed send. He tossed the phone back onto Jared’s lap and yawned, looking over at Zoe. She and Alana were sitting on the couch, Zoe’s head resting in the other’s lap while she slept (or at least tried to).

Jared stood up and walked over to one of the vending machines. He shoved a crinkled up 5 dollar bill and bought two bags of potato chips, lazily grabbing them from the machine. He looked back at Evan and gave a weak smile as he sat back down.

“Here.” 

He mumbled and tossed the bag to Evan.

“Thanks.”

“We can get proper dinner later. Are you sure you don’t want to go home? We still have school tomorrow.”

Evan groaned and then looked up at Alana, who had cleared her throat after Jared’s suggestion

“Me and Zo will be fine here, we’ll text you if anything happens.”

Evan shrugged and stood up, Jared following suit. But before they could get to the exit of the hospital a nurse stopped them

“Connor’s awake now, you kiddos can go see him.”

 

\--

 

“Hansen? Kleinman?! What the hell are they doing here, Zoe?”

Connor was not in the brightest of moods

“They- he-,”

“Evan said he was your soulmate!” Alana blurted out, instantly regretting it after seeing the way Connor’s face changed from confused-anger to straight up anger

“Not this shit again...fine, whatever. That still doesn’t answer why Jared is here.”

“I-I didn’t wa-wanna be a-alone.”

Jared took a step toward the Murphy boy who was lying in his bed and stuck out his hand, inviting Connor to shake it

“Fresh start, I won’t make school shooter jokes and you won’t push my friend down in hallways.” Connor groaned and took his hand, shaking it firmly while Jared laughed slightly.

“Now that we’ve got that settled, we need to call mom.”

Zoe was handing Connor her phone before he stopped her, grabbing her wrist and pushing it away softly

“Kleinman…”

He seethed

“Yeah..?”

“So I guess Hansen was playing a trick on me!”

“Wh-what are y-you t-t-talking about, Connor?”

“Colors.”


	7. Chapter 7

Jared opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. His face was scared and confused but his body stayed still, planted right there in the hospital room. Zoe and Evan stood there, not knowing what to do as well and Connor, who previously held a slight smirk was now concerned as well.

“You can’t see them, can you…” 

Evan choked out, fiddling with the end of his shirt

Jared nodded and then turned towards the door

“I’m just going to go.”

“You can’t just leave!” Connor shouted, but he was already out the door, Evan following suit. 

 

“Jared!”

“Evan, please stop talking.” 

Evan had followed Jared out into the parking lot. They climbed into the truck and Jared slammed his hands onto the wheel

“How am I supposed to react? Am I supposed to be angry? Scared?”

“I-”

“It was rhetorical, Evan.”

Jared huffed, reached for his keys that he had tossed onto the console and started the car. He looked over at Evan, who was looking straight ahead, his mind probably elsewhere.

“Were you really playing a trick on him, Evan?”

“What? No! That still wouldn’t explain-”

“Are you two fuckers playing a TRICK on ME?”

“It’s- no- of course not!”

Evan scratched the back of his neck fiercely and let the tears slowly drip down his face. Jared still hadn’t moved the car, instead feeling tears form in his eyes as well

“Then what the fuck is this?”

Jared half yelled, half cried, clamping his eyes shut and resting his head against the wheel. 

After a few moments of heavy breathing he felt two arms wrap around his back and the humming of some familiar song.

“Evan you didn’t-” Jared sat up and opened his eyes

And then he shut his eyes tight

And then opened them again

“Oh shit- I’m sorry I should’ve asked first!” Evan pressed himself up against the door only to look back at a very shocked Jared

“Wha-? OH MY GOD!” Jared exclaimed

“I’M SO SORRY!” Evan exclaimed back

“No, no, no. I- I can-”

“See color?” Evan whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah this fucking sucks but enjoy it. This idea came to me at 9 in the morning and I wrote this within an hour so yeah....


End file.
